* FBI has handed over the investigations to Pakistani Police who have reported to arrest a suspect who claims that he wanted to have coffee on the 65th floor but their planes didn't land properly.
* First lady is pregnant and FBI claims that Osama is directly or indirectly involved in it.
* BBC reports that Gen. Musharraf has requested Nawaz Sharif to come back and take over. NO QUESTIONS ASKED.....
* While giving an exclusive interview to CNN Film star REEMA has offered that if " Bush - Afghan problem can be solved on " Kuch lo Kuch Do" basis, then she has offered herself.
* Americans have offered Talibans to handover Osama in exchange of Herion of Titanic. But Taliban say that we already have Heroin and please give the Hero of Titanic.
* Latest marketing strategy of United Airline " Fly with us and we will take you straight to your office"
* CNN Report: US Army troops arrived in Khi, will attact Afghanistan after having Tea at Bakda Hotel in Kharadar. They say that if WTC would have been in Pakistan there would have been no casualties because nobody comes before 11.
* American mothers now saying to their children " So jao warna Osama aa jaye ga"
Thats all from the news room, stay tuned..............for more inside reports......... (;)
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Difference between boys and girls while using ATM
(Bank's cash dispenser machines)
Boys:
1. Drive to the bank, park and go to the Cash Dispenser.
2. Insert card
3. Dial code and desired amount
4. Take the cash, the card and the slip
Girls:
1. Drive to the bank
2. Engine stalled
3. Check make-up in the mirror
4. Apply perfume
5. Manually check haircut
6. Park the car - failure
7. Park the car - failure
8. Park the car - Success
9. Search for the card in the handbag
10. Insert card, rejected by the machine
11. Throw phone card back in handbag,
12. Look for bank card.
13. Insert Card
14. Look for Secret Box (where secret code is written)in Handbag
15. Enter code
16. Study instructions for 2 minutes
17. #Cancel#
18. Re-enter code
19. #Cancel#
20. Call Boyfriend/husband to get correct the code
21. Enter desired amount
22. #Error#
23. Enter bigger amount
24. #Error#
25. Enter maximum amount
26. Cross fingers
27. Take cash
28. Go back to the car
29. Check make up in rear mirror
30. Look for keys in handbag
31. Start car
32. Drive 50 meters
33. STOP
34. Drive back to bank machine
35. Go out of the car
36. Take card and ticket back from machine
37. Go back to the car
38. Throw card on passenger seat
39. Throw slip on the floor
40. Check make up in rear mirror
41. Manually check haircut
42. Go into roundabout - wrong way
43. BRAKE
44. Go into roundabout - right way
45. Drive 5 kilometers
46. Remove hand brake
47. Call boyfriend/husband to tell how miserable she was because of HIM.
What A Shot!!!!
It's the end of the day at a cricket tournament in Sharjah and India as usual has lost yet another game to Pakistan.
At that very moment Mohammad Azharuddin gets a call from his wife. She says, "Darling, have you bought all the gifts that I had asked you to get for me?" He replies, "Well, I'd really like to, but the crowd outside is waiting to beat me up, so I can`t leave my hotel room."
His wife replies, "That's no problem, honey. Just dress yourself as a lady. You should have no problem leaving the hotel." Azhar does just that and goes shopping around. No one recognizes him anywhere until he reaches the last shop. That's when he hears a cheery, "Hi Azhar, it's nice to see you here!"
Totally shocked, he turns around to see a lady in a burkha. "How the heck did you know that it was me?"
The lady replies, "Don't worry yaar. It's me, Rahul.
At that very moment Mohammad Azharuddin gets a call from his wife. She says, "Darling, have you bought all the gifts that I had asked you to get for me?" He replies, "Well, I'd really like to, but the crowd outside is waiting to beat me up, so I can`t leave my hotel room."
His wife replies, "That's no problem, honey. Just dress yourself as a lady. You should have no problem leaving the hotel." Azhar does just that and goes shopping around. No one recognizes him anywhere until he reaches the last shop. That's when he hears a cheery, "Hi Azhar, it's nice to see you here!"
Totally shocked, he turns around to see a lady in a burkha. "How the heck did you know that it was me?"
The lady replies, "Don't worry yaar. It's me, Rahul.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Software Engineer Husband
Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - i will go to my dad’s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - i will go to my dad’s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.
Diwali Dhamaka Shopping Sale
It was the day of the big sale.
Rumors of the sale and an advertisement on the web and newspaeres were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses.
On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line:
"That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
Rumors of the sale and an advertisement on the web and newspaeres were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses.
On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line:
"That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Hindi Movies And Computer
Hamara Hardisk Aapke Paas Hai
Hum Aapke Memory Mein Rahate Hain
Hum Hai Programmer Oracle Ke
Programmer no 1
Java Wale Job Le Jayenge
Do(2) processor baarah(12) terminal
Mera Code Chal Gaya
Network Ke Uss Paar
Jis Desh Mein Bill(Gates) Rahata Hai
Client Ek Numbari, PROGRAMMER Dus Nambari
Login Karo Sajana
Firewall (Border)
DOWN To Hona Hi Tha
Partition (Deewar)
Kaho Na Virus Hay
Y2K - A Bug Story
Hum Aapke Memory Mein Rahate Hain
Hum Hai Programmer Oracle Ke
Programmer no 1
Java Wale Job Le Jayenge
Do(2) processor baarah(12) terminal
Mera Code Chal Gaya
Network Ke Uss Paar
Jis Desh Mein Bill(Gates) Rahata Hai
Client Ek Numbari, PROGRAMMER Dus Nambari
Login Karo Sajana
Firewall (Border)
DOWN To Hona Hi Tha
Partition (Deewar)
Kaho Na Virus Hay
Y2K - A Bug Story
Chemical Analyst About Women
Element: Woman
Symbol: WO
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118 but is known to vary from 100 - 160 lbs.
Occurence: Surplus quantities in all urban areas.
Physical Properties:
1) Surface usually covered in a painted film.
2) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3) Melts if given proper treatment.
4) Bitter if used incorrectly.
5) Found in various states.
Chemical Properties:
1) Possesses great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and other precious metals.
2) Able to absorb great quantities of expensive substances.
3) Insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
Uses:
1) Highly ornamental especially in sports cars.
2) Most poweful money-reducing agent known to man.
Tests:
1) Pure specimen turns a rosy tint if discovered in natural state.
2) Turns green if placed beside a better specimen.
Caution:
1) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2) Illegal to possess more than one except in certain areas
Symbol: WO
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118 but is known to vary from 100 - 160 lbs.
Occurence: Surplus quantities in all urban areas.
Physical Properties:
1) Surface usually covered in a painted film.
2) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3) Melts if given proper treatment.
4) Bitter if used incorrectly.
5) Found in various states.
Chemical Properties:
1) Possesses great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and other precious metals.
2) Able to absorb great quantities of expensive substances.
3) Insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
Uses:
1) Highly ornamental especially in sports cars.
2) Most poweful money-reducing agent known to man.
Tests:
1) Pure specimen turns a rosy tint if discovered in natural state.
2) Turns green if placed beside a better specimen.
Caution:
1) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2) Illegal to possess more than one except in certain areas
Windows XP
After first seeing Microsoft's slogan for its New Windows XP operating system, "it just works," I couldn't help wondering: what were the slogans for all the previous releases? After thinking about it for a while, they became obvious.
Windows 1.0: Good joke, eh?
Windows 2.0: Still funny, isn't it?
Windows 286: Yeah, we're still kidding.
Windows 386: Going boldly where Desqview has been for years.
Windows 3.0: It's finally worth buying!
Windows 3.1: It's finally worth using!
Windows 95: Going boldly where the Mac has been for years.
Windows 98: More usable! Less stable!
Windows 98SE: More stable! Less usable!
Windows ME: Less usable AND less stable!
NT 1.0: Give me more hardware! NOW!!!
NT 2.0: Dammit, I said MORE HARDWARE!!! NOW!!!!
NT 3.0: Which part of "more hardware" do you not understand?
NT 3.5: With enough hardware, I'd work. Honest.
NT 4.0: Does less than Win98 with twice the hardware at one-half the speed.
Windows 2K: Works almost as well as Windows 98! Honest!
Windows XP: It just works.
Windows 1.0: Good joke, eh?
Windows 2.0: Still funny, isn't it?
Windows 286: Yeah, we're still kidding.
Windows 386: Going boldly where Desqview has been for years.
Windows 3.0: It's finally worth buying!
Windows 3.1: It's finally worth using!
Windows 95: Going boldly where the Mac has been for years.
Windows 98: More usable! Less stable!
Windows 98SE: More stable! Less usable!
Windows ME: Less usable AND less stable!
NT 1.0: Give me more hardware! NOW!!!
NT 2.0: Dammit, I said MORE HARDWARE!!! NOW!!!!
NT 3.0: Which part of "more hardware" do you not understand?
NT 3.5: With enough hardware, I'd work. Honest.
NT 4.0: Does less than Win98 with twice the hardware at one-half the speed.
Windows 2K: Works almost as well as Windows 98! Honest!
Windows XP: It just works.
Conversation between Bill Gates and Laloo of Bihari
Gates: Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.
Laloo: Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates: At home have u installed Windows?
Laloo: I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house.
Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Laloo: OPERATION? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates(Sweating): Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.
Gates: By the year 2010 India should export computer chips.
Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates(Heavily Sweating): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Laloo: RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P..
Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Laloo: I have exhausted all my leave.
Gates: I have no energy left_inner, let us go out and have a bite.
Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.
Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting. Please wait............."
Laloo: Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates: At home have u installed Windows?
Laloo: I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house.
Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Laloo: OPERATION? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates(Sweating): Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.
Gates: By the year 2010 India should export computer chips.
Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates(Heavily Sweating): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Laloo: RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P..
Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Laloo: I have exhausted all my leave.
Gates: I have no energy left_inner, let us go out and have a bite.
Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.
Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting. Please wait............."
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